I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
