we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We left the knife in your bed.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
