Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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