I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
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