Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
