i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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