the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
BRING THE BAGELS
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
