Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
