I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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