Only a mothe r could love this liver
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
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who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
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Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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