Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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