Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Small penises have feelings too.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
