For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
