I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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