How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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