Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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