Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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