dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
