is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
