How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
this hospital has no fireball
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
