I want to stick my p in your. b.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
