the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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