I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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