I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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