Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
