Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
