I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
