There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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