remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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