It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Randomize
