he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
