I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.