At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
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all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
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spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.