The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL