omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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