This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
