I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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