I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Randomize
