I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize