So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
3 2 1 whiskey
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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