I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
