Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
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I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
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They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle