yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once