hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
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Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
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HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.