you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?