Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
