So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
