Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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