sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
