How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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