shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I got her a Nickelback box set.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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