Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
