Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
