My pussy is not your playground.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
