at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
