My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I don't deserve a penis
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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