We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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