I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
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I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
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Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm really busy with my period
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