when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
